Memory's Pain
by freakess360
Summary: Alternate ending to 'Space Invaders Part 3'. When Don is tortured with the mind probe something goes horribly wrong. Can his family help him remember and save him from himself? One-shot. Don POV. Mild Swearing.


**_Summary_: Alternate ending to _Space Invaders Part 3. _When Don is tortured with the mind probe something goes horribly wrong. Can his family help him remember and save him from himself? One-shot. Don POV. Mild Swearing.**

**A/N**: This story's based off the episode _Space Invaders Part 3_, when the mind probe is placed on Donnie's head. This is my alternate ending to the episode. It's revised so as to fit my story line. Enjoy!

**_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or any of its characters.**

_Underlined Italics_ – Don's thoughts

_Italics_ – Surrounding Dialogue

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><p><strong>Memory's Pain<strong>

"The Fugitoid isn't on Earth!" I insisted. I had been persisting this same fact to the pea-brained, imprudent, heedless Triceraton Prime Leader and Commander for almost two hours now. "Why won't you believe me?" I pleaded from my kneeling position on the floor in front of the Prime Leader's throne.

Commander Mozar looked uncomfortable as he gazed at Prime Leader Zanramon. Ringing his giant, three-fingered claws he nervously said, "Prime Leader, perhaps he is telling the truth—"

"You are _lying!_" Zanramon roared, pointing a gnarled talon at me threateningly. I flinched. Growling, Zanramon banged a clenched fist on the arm of his throne. He leveled his face with mine, snarling, "I am gracious to even give you a _chance_ to answer, offworlder. Now accept it!"

I sighed in annoyance, rolling my eyes. "I've been saying it for two hours, and I will continue saying it—_the Fugitoid isn't on Earth anymore!_"

"_Anymore?_ Then where _is_ he?"

I flinched and cursed myself silently for revealing some information. "I . . . I can't tell you that!" I stammered defiantly.

Zanramon raised an eyebrow ridge. "You can't tell me? Or you won't?"

I lower my head and gazed intently at my green hands that rested in the lap of my crumpled form. I gave the Prime Leader my answer in the form of silence.

"You will not tell me? Very well. Commander Mozar, get the mind probe!"

_Mind probe__?_ I thought to myself. Unable to help myself I glanced up at the towering figure before me with curiosity and fear.

Mozar looked at Zanramon in alarm. "B-but Prime Leader, the mind probe will—"

"_Get it, Mozar!_" the Prime Leader bellowed.

"Very well, sir." Then the Triceraton Commander shuffled into another room. "Very well, sir," he repeated.

Zanramon stared down at me, grinning from horn to horn. "You could have prevented pain, you foolish terrapin. You could have cooperated. But you have brought this upon yourself. The Fugitoid's whereabouts will be revealed—whether you like it or not."

The Commander reentered the throne room, carrying a strange, golden hat-like apparatus. He stalked towards me. I tried to shuffle back but I ran into Zanramon, who forced me to remain still by placing two gnarled claws on each shoulder, holding me steadfast. Mozar then roughly placed the device on my head so all I could see was a blank screen.

Panic twisted in my gut and fear seized at my heart.

Zanramon's triumphant voice came to me through the helmet. "This mind probe will examine all of your memories for the information that I seek while simultaneously destroying your insolent terrapin brain!" His claws crushed my shoulders with anticipation. "And the mind probe will do something I've wished for a long time—exterminate you!" I could hear the unbridled glee in his voice.

The claws released my shoulders and I waited, in fear of the unknown that was to come. Seconds ticked by before an unbearable pain ripped through my being. Searing pain flashed through my head. I wildly thrashed. Memories – my memories – passed on the screen before my eyes, clear and vibrant as the day I first lived them. Then a second wave of pain, more tremendous than the first, tore through my body, causing me to spasm in agony. I screamed: a high, unrestrained, blood-curtailing scream. The pain only intensified. I could feel the life begin to leave me.

_Oh my God, I'm going to die!_

I screamed. I sobbed. I cried.

I was lost, drowning in my own memories; unable to see the people I loved one last time. _No April, no Casey, no Leatherhead. Gone, gone, gone…_

No Leo, no Raph, no Mikey. No–

"_MASTER SPLINTER_!"

The name rushed passed my lips and sliced through the fragile air. Filling the throne room around me with a presence, the vibrating promise of a name: Father.

Suddenly, the pain slowly began to recede. My screams subsided. My violent spasms diminished. A comforting aura filled my inner core with an over-whelming peace.

_Master? Sensei? Father?_ I called out with my chi, using all my meditative skills towards the one desperate cry.

"Donatello," I heard a voice answer. "My son, I am with you. I am with you…!"

The voice calmed me and I began to concentrate with all my being. The memories began to slow before my eyes, the pain turned to numbness. After what seemed like hours everything stopped. I heard a circuit breaking and I smelled smoke before the mind probe was yanked from my head.

"No, no, no, NO!" Zanramon's voice howled. "_Mozar_! What happened?"

I failed to hear an answer. I remained in my prone position, gasping for breath and twitching from muscle tremors. Numbness began to fill my body and fog clouded my brain.

Strong rough claws encircled my arms and heaved my limp frame into a standing position, supporting me from either side. Once in an erect position the claws loosened. I threatened to topple over so they clung to my once more.

Though the fog I heard voices speaking…

"_Impossible! No one has ever resisted the mind probe!"_

"_Clearly the earth creature as something to hide…but we have other methods of making him talk."_

… I couldn't understand what they were saying; it made no sense to me. _Mind Probe?_ I thought, confused. _What do they mean?_

Then it all came flooding back to me: the pain, the loss, the memories… _but the memories of what?_ I strained myself to remember what had flashed on the screen before my eyes. But nothing came to me. I could not remember parts of my childhood. There were gaps in my recollection, even more so in recent memories; pieces were missing.

I could not recollect.

I could not remember.

_Why though?_ I thought. _Why can I not remember? … The mind probe, it did this to me!_

As this realization dawned upon me I began to panic. I fruitlessly racked my brain for missing memories. As I found less and less memories and more and more lapses I grew desperate. I stared into the space before, imagining the screen of the probe, trying to recreate what was lost.

Then I heard more speech…

"_What is wrong with the terrapin creature?"_

"_I know not, Prime Leader. I think the probe must have damaged his brain…"_

"_Bah! What use is he! We can get nothing from him in this condition!"_

… I heard but I ignored. I was too lost in myself. I don't know how long I tried to see, grasp, perceive what I could not. My concentration didn't even break when more voices enter the conversation…

"_Prime Leader! Excuse the interruption but these spies were attempting to take over a security post."_

"_Exterminate them. They must answer for all the crimes they have committed against the Triceraton Republic! And don't think I have forgotten about my space cruiser."_

"_Excuse me Prime Leader, but perhaps would it not be best to prolong their agony in your private torture chamber?"_

"_Ahh. Excellent suggestion, Guard. Make it so. And take this one with you, he is useless now."_

"_Yes, sir!"_

… I was violently pushed away from the supporting claws. I stumbled and almost fell but new hands caught me. But - though my eyes were open - I saw nothing, I saw no one. I only saw haze, the remnants of what was but is no more.

The new hands began to direct me, move me. I staggered. The hands gripped me tighter. I mechanically walked where the hands led. After some walking the new hands poked and prodded - examining for injury. I heard the hush of speech and the blurs of movement…

"_Leo, what's wrong with Don? Why isn't he responding?"_

"_I don't know Mikey."_

"_Don. Donatello! Can you hear me?"_

… But all fell on deaf ears and blind eyes.

I knew I was in shock. But knowing didn't stop me from panicking. I was in denial. So much was missing.

_Gone, gone, gone. They're all gone! I can't find them. They're all gone. Missing!_ I lamented to myself.

I must have spoken my thoughts aloud because I heard a voice ask, "What's missing, Don?"

"They're missing. They're gone!" I responded passionately. My eyes shifted wildly for side to side, trying to locate the speaking voice.

"Donnie, you need to calm down!"

_Calm down? Calm Down! I can't calm down. My memories are gone!_ I panicked.

I began to struggle against the hands. I tried to break free of their grip. I needed to go back and find the mind probe. _Maybe if I figured out what it did to me I can get my memories back._

More hands grabbed at me, trying to still my thrashing form. A pair of claws added to the frenzy, snatching at my shoulder. The talons dug into my flesh, sending a shooting pain up my arm. I cried out. The clawed hand let go but it was too late. The pain and shock was too much and a numbing sensation poured over my body, like I was being submerged in warm water, covering me, drowning me.

_No… I need to… I can't… I have to go back!..._

I stopped struggling. "They're all gone," I whispered. And then I blacked out.

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><p>I woke on my back. My body throbbed and a headache was beginning to blossom. The rustle of movement next to me encouraged me to open my eyes. I slowly opened them. I noted that I was in my lab in the lair. Mikey was asleep beside me in my comfortable office chair.<p>

Slowly and quietly I straightened up to a seated position on the cot I was resting. Once sitting I drew my legs toward my stomach, wrapping my arms around them I rested my head on my knees. I could not forget what had happened on that Triceraton ship. I wish I could forget the memory, like so many others had been forgotten. _All the lost memories, never to be found!_

I sat like this, staring in to space, thinking, for a long time until Mikey woke up. As he stretched and yawned I turned my head and placed my left cheek on my knees to watch him. Mikey didn't notice I was awake right away. It almost looked like he was about to go back to sleep before he turned his tired eyes in my direction.

I weakly smiled at him.

He jumped when he saw I was no longer sleeping and sat up more straightly. "Don?" He blinked. "Don!" he stood up and rushed over to give me a bone-crushing hug. "I thought you would never wake up, bro!"

Not waiting for a response he let go of me and held me at arms length, examining my person. "You hungry? Thirsty?"

I nodded.

"Okay. Don't move. I'll be right back!"

Mikey then let go of my frail form and rushed from the lab. As he exited I heard him yell, "Hey guys, Don's awake!" I smiled into my knees.

My headache suddenly grew. The pounding in my ears caused me to groan and bury my face deeper into my knees. The lights in my lab weren't on, but it was bright enough in the room to hurt my eyes.

A crash outside the door signaled the return of my younger brother. I heard him enter the room. Painfully I lifted my head and saw Mikey balancing a tray of food on one arm and holding a glass of juice in the other. But Mikey wasn't alone. Leo, Raph and Master Splinter accompanied Mikey. When they saw me awake they grinned and greeted me.

"How are you doing, Don?"

" 'Bout time ya got up, Donnie!"

"Good morning, my son."

I smiled in return before turning my head back towards Mikey, who had the food. A bowl of soup was on the tray he carried, steam spilling over its edges. I would have to wait for the soup to cool down before attempting to eat it. Mikey carefully set the tray on a clear spot of my desk and dutifully waited by my side with the juice until I asked for it.

I didn't.

I turned back towards my older brothers and Sensei. They watched me, expecting me to speak.

I didn't.

Leo spoke first. "How do you feel?"

I shrugged my shoulders, wincing slightly as it aggravated my headache.

Mikey jumped in the one-sided conversation and said, "Bro, you are one tough turtle to find! We looked everywhere for you on that ship. Luckily we ran into Monzaram and he helped us find you..." I gazed thoughtfully in Mikey direction as he told of my 'harrowing rescue'. "…and then we took over a security post. We looked on the computers and discovered you were in the Prime Leader's throne room. Then Monzaram had a great idea to dress as a guard and pretend to have captured us. So he took us to the throne room and convinced the Prime Leader for us to leave with you. But, man, you were out of it. Starring into space." Mikey's voice slightly shook. "And, Donnie, you started mumbling about things being 'gone' and 'missing'. It totally freaked us out." Mikey started talking faster at this point. "You went all crazy and passed out! We luckily escaped in the Prime Leader's new cruiser. The Triceratons must have figured out that the Fugitoid isn't on earth any more and they just up and left. We came back to the lair as soon as possible…and, well, I guess that's all."

I nodded, grateful to know what had happened. Leo, Raph, and Master Splinter stood silently during the whole story, watching my reaction.

"Anyway, enough about us. What's your story?"

_My story__?_ I thought. _What was my story?_

"Yeah, Don. What happened when ya was wit da Prime Leader?" Raph questioned.

"And what's 'gone'?" supplied Leo.

I sucked in my breath. My body tensed and my arms wrapped tighter around my legs. I didn't want to answer but I knew I had to. "Gone?" I whispered. "Everything's gone."

"What is 'everything'?" Leo asked.

I paused. "Memories," I answered weakly. "They're gone. Missing. I can't find them. They–" my voice cracked, I stopped talking.

Raph frowned, confused by my answer. "How? What do ya mean, Donnie?"

_Don't make me say it_, I thought. _I don't want to say it._ I buried my face deeper into my knees.

"Donatello," Master Splinter spoke, "Does this have anything to do with the connection to pain I felt you endure?"

I didn't look up. But I tensed again, pulling my being even deeper into myself. "I…he…they," I stuttered. I didn't want to say it. My eyes slightly watered, unshed tears threatening to spill. "It hurt so bad. I couldn't stop them." I looked up at my family. They stood in silence, watching me. Silently they begged me to continue my story, to just let it all out.

I did.

"Once I got caught they took me straight to the throne room where Prime Leader Zanramon waited for me. He questioned me for almost two hours about the location of the Fugitoid. But I couldn't tell him where Professor Honeycutt was because I didn't exactly know. But he did believe me." I sucked in a shaky breathe before continuing. "Zanramon commanded Mozar to get the m-mind p-probe," I stammered. Tears now freely fell through my mask. "T-he mind probe extracts all of your memories for the information while simultaneously k-killing you…" I heard someone gasp. "H-he put it on my head."

I squeezed my eyes shut before saying, "It h-hurt so much! I could see my m-memories flash in front of me before they were g-gone. The pain…" I shuddered. "The p-pain was too much. I called out to M-master Splinter. Sensei helped me resist and d-destroy the machine. But it was too late. All the m-memories that flashed before me are g-gone! I can't f-find them. They're all m-missing!" I opened my eyes are stared intently at my congregated brothers and Father. "Most of my childhood m-memories," I told them. "G-gone. I can't remember t-things. There are so many g-gaps. I should recollect, but I can't!"

My tears began continued to flow but my voice began to shake less. "My m-memories make me who I am. I'm not myself if I can't r-remember me, what I've done, who I am! My memories are gone…and so am I!" I told them truthfully.

Relative silence, broken only by my sobs, filled the air. My family stood shocked at my revelation, unsure of what to say.

It was Raph that interrupted the silence first. "That's bullshit. Yer still the same Donnie we know. There's just a few pieces missin', that's all."

"Yeah," Mikey piped up. "You couldn't change if you wanted to. You're too stubborn."

I looked up at my family. "Really?"

"Of course," Leo encouraged.

"My son," Sensei said. He placed a narled paw on my quivering shoulder. "Perhaps we can aid you in regaining your memories."

Mikey beamed at the suggestion. "I could tell you stories about the crazy stuff we've done that you don't remember."

"And I could help ya wit mechanical stuff if ya don't remember how ta do somethin'," Raph added.

Leo stepped forward slightly and offered, "I'll train with you."

"And I, my son," Master Splinter said, looking me intently in the eyes. "I will mediate with you so we may retrieve for memories, for they cannot be gone, only buried. Your chi, with enough encouragement, will help you remember everything."

"Thank you," I told my family. I smiled up at them, a truly genuine smile. "For everything," I added.

"Yer family," Raph barked, slapping a massive hand on my other shoulder. "Ya do the same fer us." Everyone nodded and chorused their agreement.

Shortly after everyone left the room and I was left alone with my thoughts. I bushed old tears from my eyes. I was still upset but my family had made me feel better and Sensei had given me hope, a way to regain everything the Triceratons stole from me.

Over the next few weeks my family helped me recover almost everything I forgot. There were still a few things I couldn't remember but slowly the gaps were being filled.

Michelangelo battered me day and night with silly stories of things we had done as children and told of the adventures we had taken as teens. Some were so ridiculous that I believed some of the stories to be made up. But when I asked my other brothers if the stories were true they said they were - for most part. Mikey did exaggerate quite a few times.

Raphael aided me in the garage and my lab. I felt ashamed when I couldn't remember how to fix the Battleshell's carburetor, but Raph took my embarrassment and frustration in stride. He didn't laugh once and I really appreciated his guidance.

Leonardo helped me train. I didn't need as much help in this area due the miracles of muscle memory but I had still forgotten quite a few moves, even simple ones. We practiced privately for about three hours a day. I found his presence relaxing and comforting. I really enjoyed our sparing sessions.

Master Splinter and I meditated twice every day. At first there was no progress, the mental agony I had endured had left my chi drained and I could barely concentrate on one thing for too long. But eventually I began to remember. Little things at first, but more and more as the days went on.

There were still a few things I couldn't remember but slowly the gaps were being filled… thanks to my family.

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><p><strong>AN: Another Donnie story is out of my system. I had been thinking about this story for a long time and finally got it down on paper. _Space Invaders Part 3_ had always been one of my favorite episodes and I always wanted to write a little drabble on it. I had been thinking about this particular story line for quite some time now and finally got it down on paper.**

**If Donatello is your favorite character check out a few of my other stories. (Yes, I am shamelessly advertising my work. Get over it.)**

**Thanks for reading. Don't forget to review!**


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